Let me show you all the ways in which you can be happy and thrive in your relationship.
Compassion and Love
I make things up.
I'm standing at the kitchen sink, a soapy dish in my hand, and I'm enraged.
My face is screwed up in fury.
I want to hurl the dish at the window.
I've just imagined that my husband is doing something awful that hurts me, and I've gone through the entire scenario of discovery, pain and rage – all in about two seconds.
I catch myself and stop cold.
What am I doing?
Why am I doing this?
I'm a Drama Queen on the loose, creating anger instead of passion, grief instead of love.
It’s about sharing your feeling state in order to both keep yourself healthy and deepen your relationship with another human being.
I know what I instinctively do when I get angry.
I sit on it.
I want to think about it.
I want to think about what to do with it.
If the person who just said or did something that got my anger started, especially if it’s my husband or my daughter, I most especially stuff it down until I can figure out what to say.
If your man has a really good friend who just happens to be a woman, and it drives you crazy and makes you feel jealous and awful, I know just how you feel.
If He's "Friends" With Another Woman Do This...
I remember NEW women friends showing up in his life all the time, and I remember how hard I worked to turn each one of them into MY friends, even if I had to push my way into a dinner that was supposed to be just between "the two of them."
It always had something to do with "work," and it was always "just friends," but they got better gifts on their birthdays than I did, they got more attention than I did, and they got better conversations with him.
Feel your heart beat, you're stomach gurgle, the tightness in your chest that's there because you're mad, or upset, or frustrated, or giddy, and you don't know what to say.
How To Do Intimacy Even If You're Afraid (We All Are)
It's possible that most of us have never known true intimacy from the moment we came into the world.
We've been labeled, taught, cajoled and prodded, been threatened by all forms of authority, told what's true and what isn't, and disrespected for everything from our feelings to our thoughts.
Our relationships have been more about pleasing others than pleasing ourselves.
More about struggling and using our wits to get what we need and what we think we want than discovering what it is we really want.
These small issues can build up huge amounts of stored anger. Each moment is an opportunity to either increase the intimacy in your relationship or push each other further away.
If You Want Him to Lead, You Have to Follow!
Allowing a man who wants to be the leader of your household to be the leader of your household -- as long as he is compassionate, considerate, cherishing of your feelings and fair -- tells both him and the world that you trust him.
That new sense of trust turns into a completely new kind of relationship -- one with renewed passion, fun, and intimacy.
He feels that if you can take care of yourself emotionally, his emotions - and his secrets - will be safe with you!
Take Yourself From "Insecure" To Magnetic - Fast
If you've ever been seeing a man - and very carefully not been demanding or had a "talk" about where the "relationship is going," not pressured him or asked for any kind of commitment - and then he says "I need space..." as if you HAD been pressuring him, I know exactly how frustrating that can be.
You want to scream "I didn't ask you for a commitment!" And that's where the problem is.
Chances are, if you're like most of us - you're not all that crazy about staring at yourself in the mirror anyway. Well, let's change that.
Smile At Yourself
Have you ever felt like your wellbeing depended on how a man was feeling and acting?
Where - if he's upset, or cold, or moody, or even withdrawing from you or neglecting you because of his own "issues," then you feel terrible?
I remember that this was what my entire love life was like - for most of my life.
I thought he liked me girly and the loser at chess and gin rummy. I thought he was scared of my fortitude. Now I know that's not it at all.
Soft Love In The Kitchen
I was thinking about softness, and how it changes your vibe.
We're all very smart, very clever, very defended.
We don't want anyone to see how films about animals make us cry, or our scrapbooking, or all the mistakes we made and continue to make around everything in life.
Baby steps are the way to go. Make a list of all the things you do in the household, on a date, and in a relationship, and pick three things that seem easy to let go of. And then stop doing them. Just stop.
Stop Overfunctioning And Start Getting The Love You Want
The first four years of my now glorious 18-year marriage followed the same, not glorious, hugely painful pattern all my other relationships had.
All the passion turned to tension and all the fun turned to bickering and then he withdrew.
Lots of questions, and sometimes the answer is “I don’t know,” or “None of the Above.” So how do I know what to do and where to go and what to think? And how do I stop my mind from racing to fear instead of flowing to possibilities?
The Highway Of Love
"I’m stuck again."
Not sick, not tired, just going backwards in my mind.
A psychic practitioner stopped me at the end of a party yesterday, and told me I was about to have a detour.
I don’t quite remember the exact words she used, but it was something along the lines of “Right now you’re going down the 405, and you’re about to take a detour, and then you’ll have to decide what you want to do with your life.”